question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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