Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
