i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
