The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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