Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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