I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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