Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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