I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
