I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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