hell yes lets make some ravioli
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
