I got chris browned last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
