There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
