I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
