I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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