1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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