We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
