My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
