Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
