Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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