Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
