just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
