This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
