32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm getting married
To pizza
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
