Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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