I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
