Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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