I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
