"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
