i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
