He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
