This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
