yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
