What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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