Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
