I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
