just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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