I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Please don't give away my fajitas
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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