Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
