I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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