So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
