I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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