Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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