my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
