Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
