nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
