glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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