im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am naked and annoyed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
