Banned from zoo.
Again?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
