So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Damn victory sex feels great
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize