So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i came on her dog
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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