I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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