i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
