My first STD was from a foam party
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
two words: eviction party
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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