im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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