am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
