If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
