your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
