You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
