I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
