he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
