You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
