well you can't waste a boner
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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