P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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