Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize