Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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