can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
