There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
