What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
