In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want nice things and good sex
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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