I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize