What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
