honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
