hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
