he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
