Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
