The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how can u be prego again
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
