EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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