he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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