we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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