Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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