Sponge bath it is.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
