evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
