Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize