Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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