Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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