Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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