I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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