Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize