you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
