he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
