Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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