One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
