Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
