I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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