i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
