Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
