guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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