Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
