So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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