If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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