you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
