This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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