I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
