Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
