how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
